Why is it always lettuce?

The US celebrated Thanksgiving last week, and many did so without including romaine lettuce, which is the source of yet another E. coli outbreak. That’s three in the last year for those keeping score at home. As of Friday, the FDA has identified that the tainted greens likely came from California… dang, can that state get a break? While the west half of the country has the objectively wrong choice for favorite Thanksgiving side dish, they should at least be able to enjoy it on that hallowed day. California also had the highest share of affected persons, totaling 10 of the 32 cases. FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb noted that they’re working to get date labels on “post-purge” (so, unaffected) produce, something that could evolve into a standard practice anyway.

Post-turkey feast coma debunked as fake news

Millions of Americans flocked home this week to pretend they like their families just long enough to get some of Mama’s cookin’ and get in a good nap before sprinting off to engage in the true worldwide holiday of Black Friday. Well it turns out we should throw turkeys another pardon for believing they’re the cause of the excessive sleepiness experienced after the feast. Sure, tryptophan is present in turkey meat, and that does convert into melatonin, but it can’t happen without a little help. The true culprit? All those carbs from the mashed potatoes, cornbread, rolls, and mac & cheese you know you splurged on. These basically put tryptophan in the fast lane for conversion into melatonin. Europeans, sorry if you understood none of the last paragraph.