A total sugar buzz[kill]

In celebration of Halloween, just a couple days away, InsightCity will relay the stupidest advice on candy eating ever written. NBC News interviewed Amy Gorin, a nutritionist, for advice on responsible candy consumption. See? I told you it was B.S. Here are the two takeaways: first, just eat one (nope) and second, hide the candy from yourself so you don’t overeat (trust me, I’ll remember where it is). The other thing they provide is a list of the healthiest options if you’re going to eat it. At the top is gummy worms—yawn—because a serving size is 8 worms. Second is snack-size Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups (now we’re talking) because they have some protein and fiber. But one puny cup contains 110 calories! The worst—in more ways than one—is candy corn. 19 terrible pieces of this garbage contain 140 calories of sadness. From a sugar addict’s perspective, we have 3 options: eat a bunch of candy and be happy, eat a bunch of candy and be sad, or eat a bunch of candy and be happy. Lucille Ball had it right.

Pour some sugar on me

Pop quiz: Name the four major macromolecules essential for life. Go ahead, we’re waiting. The four are DNA, proteins, fats, and glycans. According to Dr. Emanual Maverakis, Associate Professor- Departments of Medical Microbiology & Immunology and Dermatology at the University of California, Davis, glycans are the least understood. He notes that “the study of glycans, or glycomics, is about 20 years behind other fields. One reason for this lag is scientists have not developed tools to rapidly identify glycan structures and their attachment sites on people’s cells. Well, get on it because research has shown glycans play a big role in the development of autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis and autoimmune pancreatitis. Scientists, put down your Candy Crush, pick a theme song (Pour some sugar on me or Sugar Sugar) and let’s get a move on.

Big Sugar’s not-so-sweet research practices

Cristin Kearns, assistant professor at the UCSF School of Dentistry, stumbled across a decades-old research paper that shows a link between high-sugar diets and both high triglyceride levels and cancer in rats. But she had to stumble across the study because it was never published in a scientific journal. Oh, I almost forgot…the study was sponsored by the sugar industry. The implication, of course, is that the organization, now called The Sugar Association, buried the findings to avoid likely negative commercial implications. In response, The Sugar Association has stated that the study was never published, in part, because it was significantly delayed and over budget. In other words, they probably wouldn’t have published the study even if a high-sugar diet showed health benefits. As King George once said, “If you buy that I’ll throw the Golden Gate in free.”

Give me my artificial sweeteners and dyes

Getting rid of artificial sweeteners and dyes in foods, especially those targeted at children, sounds great. General Mills, the makers of Lucky Charms breakfast cereal announced in July 2015 that it was “removing artificial flavors and colors from all of its cereals.” Sweet. As the aging Lee Corso would say “Not so fast my friend.” Two years later there are still artificial sweeteners and dyes in Lucky Charms. Why? Because General Mills says, “that effort has since stalled — company scientists have yet to find natural substitutes that won’t affect flavor.” No s&*t Sherlock. It’s the same reason fat-free cheese doesn’t taste like cheese…because it’s not cheese! Many people are becoming more health conscious. Great. Our advice? Leave the bad stuff bad and make new/different good stuff.