Make the JUUL tide stop

A disappointing survey by the National Institute of Drug Abuse finds that about twice as many high schoolers are vaping this year as compared to 2017. So that’s 1 in 5 students. We’re gonna pick on JUUL in particular for driving this, considering they dominate the market. They’ve said before that they focus their marketing efforts on adult smokers, but weird “anti-vaping” curriculums and a massive $12.8B investment from tobacco giant Altria has us really doubting their sincerity. But hey, at the very least teens seem to be satisfied with an occasional flash drive puff: the rate of teens using illicit drugs like cocaine and ecstasy is at a historic low. That’s not counting marijuana use though, which hovers at 5-6.5% of students year to year.

Out of their mind(fulness)

As you know, the FDA is not too happy with JUUL for improper marketing practices aimed at America’s youth. Essentially, the agency alleges that by making vaping “cool,” they’re trying to get the next generation addicted to nicotine. Well the marketing geniuses at JUUL must have mistaken their foot for their vapes, because one of their “solutions” involved offering schools up to $20,000 to use an anti-vaping curriculum they developed. Hey y’all? That’s not a good look. After all, the tobacco industry tried to do the same in the eighties, and those education programs may have caused more students to smoke. JUUL’s version of the course would’ve included the science behind e-cigs, blaming teen use on peer pressure and, uh, mindfulness through telekinesis?? Yeah, why vape when you can move clouds with your mind (audio required)?