Shawshank Redemption: Shkreli edition

Three out of eight ain’t bad, as Meatloaf almost said. Last week Martin Shkreli was convicted of three criminal charges—including securities fraud—and acquitted of another five. Do not confuse these crimes with the stunt he pulled as CEO of Turing Pharmaceutical when he raised the price of a pill from $13.50 to $750. For that, he was only convicted of being a giant [insert inappropriate word here]. No, these were actual crimes. According to Shkreli, “This was a witch hunt of epic proportions and maybe they found one or two broomsticks but at the end of the day we’ve been acquitted of the most important charges in this case.” His sentence will probably be light because, lucky for Shkreli, being a tool isn’t against the law. It’s just frowned upon.