A hair, a hair, my freedom for a hair

In a turn of events that surprises approximately nobody, “Pharma Bro” Martin Shkreli has been sent to jail after his $5 million bail was revoked. Not content to just shut up for a bit while awaiting sentencing for his fraud conviction, Shkreli instead used Facebook to offer $5,000 for a strand of hair from Hilary Clinton. A federal judge found he presented a threat to the community due to this action, and everyone presumably nodded along vigorously, desperate for an excuse to finally throw him behind bars for good. To be hair fair, this isn’t the first time he’s advocated for assault on Facebook. Just last year he raffled off the chance to punch him in his smug face.